the reality we create for ourselves

Today in dance class I thought “I HATE THIS.” which is not a fact.

I wanted to figure out quickly what I was really feeling because hating wasn’t going to take me where I need to go. I needed all the brain space and self-belief I had to execute the movement phrase. So this is what I realized:

“I HATE THIS.”

I know that’s not a fact. (In fact it’s a fact it’s not a fact.)

“How do I FEEL?”

I’m really nervous, insecure, uncomfortable.

“Why?”

Because I LOVE this and I want to be great at it (and I don’t see that I am right now.)

Turns out I was trying to grab onto anything that would shift that uncomfortable feeling and without consciously choosing it I choose something that was worse than feeling uncomfortable, something that would really bring me down. Like how they say you shouldn’t try and save a drowning person unless you’re trained to do so because they will likely panic and push you down trying to keep themselves up and you will both drown. 

Feeling uncomfortable is like sitting on the fence. You can go either way and so often we unconsciously tip ourselves a way that bring us down and propels the downwards momentum.

There is a saying: “Fear, provided we are not in mortal danger, tells us we are about to grow”

I decided many years ago that to the best of my ability I would not let my fears and insecurities hold me back. But it’s always been a blocking out/ pushing through. Today I realized it didn’t need to be that, that the root of my feeling was LOVE and to embrace that and allow the judgment to fall away paved the path to the productiveness that would allow for the grow I was chasing.

It’s really an asset if we can correctly identify our feelings and what that means for us. It is true that it shapes our perspective not the facts of the situations, but we all know reality is a matter of perspective.

"WHAT YOU SEE DEPENDS ON HOW YOU LOOK" - K. COLE