Currently my days begin at 6 am. After a walk though Central Park and Harlem by 7:30 am you can find me trying my best to wriggle clothes onto a 5 year old as I help him get off to school. 'Wrangling' is how I currently describe what I do at work but this morning we had a nice chat while he giggled and bounced his way into his clothes. Currently I refer to him as sergeant as he is going to be a police officer this halloween.
SERGEANT: Ah! (screams) What's going on?!? (he has his shirt on but one arm is not its sleeve so it's stuck by his torso as he tries to flap it)
ME: Come on. (in my calm, hypnotic, lets just keep trucking voice)
SERGEANT: My arm. It's left out.
ME: Well... you know how to fix that.
SERGEANT: Yeah. I need to put it where it belongs and then it won't be left out anymore.
I just thought this was a beautiful parallel: when you are where you belong you can not be left out.
Culture, family ties, location, your past.... none of these things determined where we belong. I don't know what does. But I have been graced to find that if you don't fit in where you are, its not that you don't fit in anywhere, just that you have to go hunting, searching, floating around being open till you find your place. Seek and you will find.
And all of that makes me think of this...
” Some people do not have to search, for they find their niche easily in life and rest there seemingly contented and resigned. At times I envy them, but usually I do not understand…and seldom do they understand me. I am one of the searchers. There are, I believe, millions of us. We are not unhappy, but neither are we completely content. We continue to explore life, hoping to uncover its ultimate secret. We continue to explore ourselves hoping to understand. We like to walk along the beach, we are drawn by the ocean, taken by its power and unceasing motion, its mystery and unspeakable beauty. We like forests, mountains, deserts, hidden rivers and lovely cities as well. Our sadness is as much a part of our lives as our laughter, to share our sadness with the ones we love is perhaps as great a joy as we know, unless it is to share our laughter. We searchers are ambitious only for life itself and for anything beautiful it can provide. Most of all, we want to love and be loved, to live in a relationship that will not impede our wanderings and prevent our search. We do not want to prove ourselves to others or compete for love. This passage is for wanderers, dreamers, and lovers who dare to ask of life, everything which is good and beautiful.”
-Found on the door of a deserted store in Colorado
I was once told by a leader in my work place/ community/ peer group, in front of a large portion of the community that "I was so unique I will never fit in anywhere." AKA 'you don't belong and you can't change that.' I took his word as gospel. All my experience to date wasn't debating what he said. Besides everyone always listened to his thoughts and made them their own. So if nothing else it had been decided.
Sadly he was just trying to be nice. Seeing the positive in why I was not so readily embraced and at ease in a place that was fundamentally about authentic human connection and being embraced for being exactly who you are. Well you know what. WRONG BUDDY! And I am so much happier fitting where I do than I could have been in the situation that just wasn't right.
When I feel left out these days I have to remind myself that I am not as though it is fact and I have to talk to someone, who I know cares for me, how I feel. And then I see my feelings of isolation are not the reality :)
Often you have to seek it and always you have to claim it. Wish you luck and strength to find your niche xx
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